How the Fortune Cookie Crumbles
by Alex Glaven
Summary: *Akiko* NO! It's evil! It's vile! Run away! Run away!
1. Another Boring Day

I'm back!  
Garet: But Isaac isn't.  
Yeah, wonder where he went, anyways.  
Garet: Don't you have enough fics?  
Well, this one serves a special purpose!  
Garet: How, exactly.  
It's a Christmas fic for Mia's Xian Resturant!  
Garet: ::falls over:: You already have a Christmas fic!  
Yeah, but not for Mia's Xian Resturant! ^_^  
Garet: How can it be Mia's if she's off traveling around with Isaac?  
Um...here's the fic! ^_^  
  
Chapter 1: Another Boring Day  
  
Picard wasn't in Vale, he was in Kalay. But he somehow was  
managing to still be bored. Sheba and Garet were in the kitchen,  
making...something. Isaac and Mia had gone off traveling again, and  
everyone else had gone...somewhere. Once Thanksgiving was over, Garet's  
Kitchen had become very quiet. Picard knew now that Christmas was coming  
business would start up again, but it couldn't stop him from being bored.  
  
"I'm so bored," he muttered, turning over on the bench he was  
lying on. "Bored, bored, bored..."  
  
Garet bounded into the room. "When's a door not a door?!"  
  
"When it's ajar!" Picard jumped to his feet. Garet had been  
doing such things for nearly the past week, randomly challenging him to  
finish the puns he started.  
  
"You have learned well, young grasshopper," Garet patted him on  
the head.   
  
"Thank you, sensei," Picard bowed. Garet was not only a master  
cook, but he was a master spinner of puns, too.  
  
"Oh, Picard!" Sheba interrupted, waving from the kitchen door.   
"We have another mission."  
  
"Wha-?" Picard's eyes grew wide. "A 'mission'?"  
  
"Yeah!" Sheba giggled. "Garet and I made these Fortune Cookies,  
and we need to deliver them to Mia's Xian Resturant in Imil!"  
  
"Before Christmas, right?" Picard asked, feeling depressed. His  
last journey with Sheba hadn't been the funnest time in the world, and he  
was pretty sure that since they weren't delivering Sheba's secret special  
recipe cookies they wouldn't have NEARLY as much trouble.   
  
Which meant it would be a very boring trip.  
  
Not that he minded traveling with Sheba.  
  
"That is you mission," Garet nodded.   
  
A few minutes later they were ready to leave.  
  
"If Isaac and Mia stop by I'll tell them to keep an eye on you,"  
Garet said. "Oh, and you seem to be forgetting someone."  
  
A nonsensical noise came from upstairs and a Mars Djinn came  
hurtling down the stair case and into Sheba's arms, where it gurgled  
happily.  
  
"Torch!" Sheba squealed.   
  
"Oh, yeah, great," Picard said sarcastically.  
  
"Safe journey, you guys," Garet waved them out the door. "And  
Picard, what is a sleeping kight?"  
  
"A good night," Picard sighed, starting down the path.  
  
*****  
Yay! Picard and Sheba are on a new quest, but oddly enough no one has  
said pow po-  
Garet: Those are the CHEESIEST puns I've ever heard!  
Well, if someone wants to give me better ones then I'd like to hear  
them!  
Garet: Like anyone would review YOUR stories.  
I'm starting to remember why I always had Isaac be my muse.  
  
~*Somewhere far away*~  
  
Isaac: ::doing an impression of Stitch (from...gasp..."Lilo and  
Stitch"!) except for he can't talk "Isaac LOST!":: 


	2. A Cookie Shop for Evil Henchmen? WHAT!

I'm back!  
Garet: The horror!  
But this time, I have my muse back! Much thanks to Norli and Keade for  
finding him for me!  
Isaac: ::in neon pastel yellow "HI EVERYONE!"::  
Isaac, don't use that color.  
Isaac: ::in the happy special rainbow colored marker "Okay! Hi y'all, did  
ya miss me?"::  
Garet: No.  
Isaac: ::in the happy special rainbow colored marker "I didn't ask YOU"::  
Garet: Whatever.  
Um. right. ^_^;;; On with the story!  
  
Chapter 2: A Cookie Shop for Evil Henchmen? WHAT?!  
  
Picard and Sheba were walking down the path. It still looked like Spring,  
but Picard was getting actually getting used to the strange weather patterns  
around Kalay, Vault, and Vale.  
  
"This is so much FUN!" Sheba was saying. "I get to travel around with you AGAIN!  
Delivering these fortune cookies will be fun!"  
  
"Yup" Picard wasn't really paying attention. "Uh huh. Fun. Right."  
  
That was when he tripped over something. Picard went sprawling, and a giant  
cake fell on top of him.  
  
"PICARD!" Sheba screamed. "Picard, are you alright?"  
  
"Owch." Picard tried to move, to no avail. "This seems awfully familiar."  
  
An evil laughter came from the forest, followed by choking sounds and coughing.  
Saturos stepped out of the bushes, brushing leaves off of his armor, still  
coughing. "You'd think the sinister laugh would be EASIER!" he looked up to  
see Picard underneath a cake and Sheba standing nearby. He immediately became  
much more evil. "HAHA! You have fallen for my DEVIOUS trap!"  
  
"Mm, I wonder how this tastes," Sheba leaned forward and pulled off a bit of  
the cake.  
  
"Hey! I'm talking here!" Saturos yelled.  
  
"It SUCKS!" Sheba glared at Saturos. "Your heart was put into this, but you  
didn't have the right ingredients at all! And then you WASTED it by dropping  
it on Picard!"  
  
"I-I'll try harder!" he began to tear up. "I'm not very good yet, I just started  
cooking!"  
  
"Well, get to work!" Sheba ordered him. He nodded and ran off.  
  
"That was easy," Picard muttered. Torch made noises of agreement.  
  
Um, yeah that was interesting.  
Isaac: ::in the special pink and purple sparkly marker "No one said 'Pow pow  
Picard'"::  
Yeah, weird, huh?  
Isaac: ::in the special pink and purple sparkly marker "Does this color make  
me look gay?"::  
I don't think I'm going to answer that. 


	3. Every Dog Has His Dayor not

es, I do realize that Christmas was a long time ago. Yes, I do realize  
that I've been very lazy when it comes to the majority of my fics. Yes,  
I'm really sorry.  
Isaac: ::in metallic green "Yup. And she promises to do better."  
Yup. ENJOY!  
  
Chapter 3: Every Dog Has His Day...or not...  
  
"Pow pow Picard!"  
  
Picard turned just in time to be tackled by Mia and Isaac.  
  
"Pow pow Picard!" Mia, who was sitting on his chest, began bouncing.   
"Pow pow Picard! Pow pow Picard! That's just SO much fun to say!"  
  
"Mia, he's turning blue," Isaac, who had stood up, pointed out.   
  
"You...are you saying I'm...fat?" Mia looked up at him, tears in her  
eyes.  
  
"No, I'm not saying your fat..." Isaac began.  
  
"You're just saying that to make me feel better!" Mia started bawling.   
"You think I'm fat! You really do!"  
  
"No, I don't!" Isaac was looking more nervous by the moment. "Really,  
even if you WERE fat, which you aren't, because you're-"  
  
She stood up, her eyes blazing, and hit him with her Blessed Ahnk. "You  
JERK! I can't BELIEVE you, Isaac!"  
  
"Ow..." Isaac fell on the ground.  
  
"Uh...Mia? Could you get off me?" Picard asked. She was still standing  
on him. "This isn't the most comfortable position to be in..."  
  
"You think I'm fat, TOO!" Mia snarled, hitting HIM with her Blessed Ahnk.  
  
Sheba watched the whole thing, Torch in her arms. "Do you think we  
should stop them?"  
  
Torch watched Mia chase the two boys around for a moment before making  
disagreeing noises.  
  
"Yeah, you're right," Sheba followed their movements with fascination.   
"They're REALLY fun to watch."  
  
"Mia! We're SORRY!" Isaac whined.  
  
"We don't think you're fat!" Picard added.  
  
"YES YOU DO!"  
  
While Mia was preoccupied with beating on the boys, the boys were  
preoccupied with not getting beat on, and Sheba and Torch were  
preoccupied with watching them, Saturos decided to make his move.  
  
"Now those Fortune Cookies will be mine, and I can finally achieve my  
life long dream of owning my very own Cookie Shop!" he chuckled  
sinisterly. He reached very slowly for the basket, held in the crook of  
Sheba's arm...  
  
And Isaac ran over him. Closely followed by Picard. Who was closely  
followed by Mia, who somehow managed to hit him in the side of the staff  
with her Ahnk as she passed.   
  
"Ow..." Saturos fell over, then sat up. "YOU STUPID KIDS! DON'T YOU  
HAVE ANY RESPECT!"  
  
"AAAGH!" Sheba screamed. "It's Saturos!"  
  
She cast Spark Plasma, frying Saturos to a crisp. He fell over again.  
  
"This isn't my day..."  
  
*****  
  
Okay, I've forgotten how much fun these are to write. More updates are  
on the way! 


	4. NOOOOOOO!

Mwahahahahahaha! ::does her best impression of Nagga the Serpent's  
laugh::   
Isaac: ::in reddish-gold "You're evil"::  
No, but the special appearance of a certain old man is!  
  
Chapter 4: NOOOOOOO!!!!  
  
"Wow, at this rate we'll be in Imil in no time at all!" Sheba squealed.  
  
"Actually...I think we walk faster," Picard said glumly.  
  
They had hitched a ride on a haycart driven by an old farmer.   
Unfortunately, the donkey pulling the haycart looked like it was twice  
the age of its owner and was moving along at an excruciatingly slow pace.  
  
"Oh, Picard, you're such a spoil sport," Sheba glared at him. "If you  
think we're going so slow, just ask the driver to speed up a bit!"  
  
"I think I will," Picard turned over in the hay. "Hey! Driver! Think  
you could speed up a bit!"  
  
"Eh? What?" the driver turned around. It was Picard and Sheba's worst  
nightmare. "Oh! You want me to speed up? Well, I supposed I could, but  
then my donkey would tire out before I got where I plan to spend the  
night tonight, in Vault. And then I'd have to camp out on the road, but  
then I'd be just a little ways off from Vault and it would be ridiculous  
to stop there tomorrow morning to stay the night tomorrow night, don't  
you think? So we'll just continue at this pace."  
  
"KRADEN!" Sheba and Picard screamed in horror.  
  
"Eh? What?" Kraden squinted through his glasses. "Oh! Picard, Sheba!   
How are you two youngsters? I was just thinking about you and all of the  
adventures that we shared for all of those months! What have you two  
been up to? Aw, I'm sure you've had plenty of adventures. I've had some  
of my own ever since I decided to become a hay farmer. What do you think  
of this cart? A pretty nice set up, don't you think?"  
  
"NOOO!" Picard and Sheba screamed in unison.   
  
Kraden ignored them and began babbling on about the many attributes of  
being a hay farmer. "See, I don't have to do much, just get up every  
morning and tend to my little farm. I have a few chickens, a pig, a cow,  
this old donkey and a little vegetable garden out back. What I can't  
grow I trade for in hay. Hay is really valuable, actually, since a lot  
of towns around here use it for the roof. Right now I'm heading to Vale  
so Dora can finally fix her roof."  
  
Picard and Sheba heard none of this, they were screaming. Torch made a  
shrill noice and accidentally lit the hay on fire just as Picard and  
Sheba disembarked.  
  
"Eh? What?" Kraden turned around. "Oh no! My hay!"  
  
*****  
  
See, isn't he EVIL?  
Isaac: o.O;;; ::in a very subdued celadon green "Yes. Very evil"::  
Mwahahahahaha! Anywho...yeah...review... 


End file.
